two great ideas

my two genius ideas for today:

1) Everyone in the U.S. should apply for a restraining order against President George W. Bush.

2) Impeach the bastard, since he's already admitted to an impeachable offense.

literary spam

i received this from a spambot today -- a spambot literary critic:

I can't read ten pages of Steinbeck without throwing up.
A gift in season is a double favor to the needy.
Music is well said to be the speech of angels.

poor melville

i was nostalgic about reading Moby Dick today, mentioning it briefly in an essay i'm writing and was flipping through it. an outstanding canonical work that more people should read. more people should have read it during Melville's life, he sold less than 4000 copies of the book and it was publicly derided by critics and considered, generally, to be a failure by all until some time later. ahead of its time in many respects. i always return to the unknowable nature of the whale. the book just compiles and compiles data about the whale, attempting to understand it, as if Ishmael (if that is his name) is trying to focus on a single thing in order to understand just a single thing before his death. but, despite such close attention, he is unable to understand even this tremendous thing. Ishmael continually laments his inability to "see" the whale:

Dissect him how I may, then, I but go skin deep; I know him not, and never will. But if I know not even the tail of this whale, how understand his head? much more, how comprehend his face, when face he has none? Thou shalt see my back parts, my tail, he seems to say, but my face shall not be seen. But I cannot completely make out his back parts; and hint what he will about his face, I say again he has no face.

Spoony B, Spoony B

a positive review for my first film, here's the blurb:

"A hilarious send-up of silent comedy, How Spoony B Got his Ho Back is a spot-on tip of the wide-brimmed pimp hat to Chaplin and Keaton. First-time director Jonathan Ball deftly imitates the style of 20s comedy to follow the vulgar exploits of “the Pimp King of Winnipeg,” replete with pimp-speak dialogue inserts. It’s original and pricelessly funny."
-- Dylan Ferguson, The Manitoban

the full article is here

Ryan's Magnum P.I. Opus

ryan fitzpatrick took an off-the-cuff joke/remark to heart and composed a series of 8 sonnets with the help of some electronic poetry generator, a touching tribute entitled: "Fuck You, Jonathan Ball." though largely repetitive gibberish, the poems are fairly clever in parts and contain some great lines like the following:

But, that apple juice held no answers

So if you like offensive and odd poems, you'll enjoy the following series, posted for the debasement of all.

Fuck You, Jonathan Ball

by The Leevi Lehto Google Sonnet Engine w/ assistance from ryan fitzpatrick

i.

Buchanan and Bill Press. In return
have lost bass player Jon Ball but they say
standing on what we can prove, I say
TONIGHT, HE COMES! No it's not a porn

were in that robot movie: Fisher Stevens
Doing whatever the fuck you can to stay
- Could move to his left for the double-play
*blech* I dunno how widespread the popcorn

they say - But, heck, anyone would
I'ma dawg bitch You ain't in
dawg bitch You ain't in love with

me with such absolute hatred, told
2003 by Jonathan Lethem - Pikmin
he's so gaddamn - Fred: What´s up with

ii.

YOU' written on it," spits mad
fuck you pull up your own skirt, skirt
of Bentonville ball-lickery is part
Man, fuck you son! I'm glad

should we ask Jon Ball's dad
where she dropped the ball, Jon Stewart
after the last transit, in 1882, Robert
- War and Peace Vol 2. Fuck Dyin' - Head

for writing something? - Oddly enough
easy, you're wrong. I don't
But, that apple juice held no answers

ass. - Play something other than high
Jonathan Ball Altadena. The prank is so
rode in on. Luckily, the Stage Deli delivers

iii.

you will never try Fuck you hoes cause
8 Ball I'ma dawg bitch You ain't in
know very much about the Coalition
no showing - "As soon as those

and I want your mother out of my house
shocked and awed by how the dems have been
-The most discernable lines in
heap of shit" and - Because

YOU' written on it," spits mad
Tongue' shit? Jon: All I needed
you will never try Fuck you hoes

Man, fuck you son! I'm glad
- Fuck you looking at? Dylan wanted
Fuck you! Jonathan jumps up and dresses

iv.

but they say - But, heck, anyone would
dawg bitch You ain't in love
is Jewish for anti-biotic. - white Give
at me with such absolute hatred, told

off As for the example,poor choice, should
shocked and awed by how the dems have
know, carry my duffel - Could move
to, you know, carry my duffel - Could

that they would make absolutely fucking
months, the Manitoban has been the centre
original lyric's sheet) Jon: Look at

from sitting at the Jonathan. 24 Jul
Dylan wanted to shriek at Arthur Lomb, before
Martian Press Review, -Your comment

v.

sophmore chick who And don't you think
you will never try Fuck you hoes
- Jonathan Ball Altadena. The prank
- Fuck you! Jonathan jumps up and dresses

material from this site for purposes
YOU' written on it," spits mad
fuck up. -The most discernable lines
Man, fuck you son! I'm glad

choice, should we ask Jon Ball's dad
in the subject heading. - How
and Peace Vol 2. Fuck Dyin' - Head
suggests that you also don't know

- "It's a ball,"
East Coast cats are tied up in beef

vi.

a Gypsy into a crystal ball. But, that apple
shit? Jon: All I needed was
"Fuck you bitch about your little
is so good, I'm wondering if it was

want the ball and FUCK YOU!" If it was
to - "Our music is one straight
Other. Nobody Like You - Jonathan as
From the Hardcover edition.Copyright

examples) - You also probably thought
the Manitoban has been the centre
that time, the same one that brought
Dylan wanted to shriek at Arthur Lomb, before

I'ma dawg bitch You ain't in love
is Jewish for anti-biotic. - white Give

vii.

But, that apple juice held no answers
to punch him and said 'Fuck you go
Donahue called me a fuck. I told him to go
rode in on. Luckily, the Stage Deli delivers

you. I've been moving to snapped fingers
FUCK YOU!" If it was me, I'd go
I know what I saw. “Why don’t you just go
the fuck up! Ball, of Da Muzicianz clears

loads of it. see you in vegas. (confidential
have lost bass player Jon Ball but they say
Jon: Look at you fool, I'm gonna fuck

pull the -There was another mechanical
standing on what we can prove, I say
a fucking miracle. So get the stick

viii.

ain't in love with me at all And
twice, - 8 Ball I'ma dawg bitch
that you also don't know very much
don't you try shutting the fuck up and

wants to hear, "I want the ball and
nigga, fuck you Cause I'm that bitch
Master P, Three 6 Mafia, Twizitd, Tech
to jump all over the spinning arms around

I'ma dawg bitch You ain't in love
(confidential information: jon ball bass
on it" spat drummer Since

Jewish for anti-biotic. - white Give
dodge ball in Mr. Latzke’s gym class
me? No problem. - Jonnis,just face

a dandy time

the dANDelion launch rocked dogs.

busy busy

it has been a really busy week. monday i had my last night class of the term then went out with suzette and my fun-tastic creative writing class (nicole markotic showed up too and harassed me about not liking buffy, making me promise i would watch the first episode, which suzette didn't seem to think was any good). then tuesday i went to derek's book launch which was a blast, and out to the bear and kilt afterward which was also a blast. then wednesday i went out for sushi with some of the english grad crew (the PhDs mostly) and then to see Walk the Line, the Johnny Cash biopic, which was pretty good (Phoenix was super-impressive in that he sung all the songs himself, no dubbing, amazing job). then yesterday i read at the Flywheel series, where i managed to spill a glass of water all over myself and the podium while reading, then went out to the bear and kilt afterwards. tonight i am going to the dANDelion magazine launch where i am going to be showing some Winnipeg Film Group films.

poetry, i miss you

trimming up an essay for Christian Bok and then embarking on an essay concerning Kroetsch and Ondaatje. will be glad to be done these essays. i'd like to gut my When I Am Hell book and refashion it into something worth reading before sending it out into the world, looking for a home. also would like to finish up some of my wolves poems, see where those are standing. after these essays i'm going to indulge in a few weeks of poetry before i get back to writing my novel, Kanada, just to luxuriate in the language a bit before putting it to military use.

googlism

this is what google had to say about me. find out what it has to say about you by going to www.googlism.com and playing around.


jonathan ball is ook die agent vir bekende buitelandse uitgewerye en bemark en versprei boeke namens hulle
jonathan ball is now an employee of that group though likes to give the impression that he's still independent
jonathan ball is such fun
jonathan ball is a musician and wily writer of songs and poems
jonathan ball is the literary pages coordinator of the manitoban and the editor of arts student body council’s maelstrom
jonathan ball is goed gevestig as die voorste invoerder van verbruikersboeke na suid
jonathan ball is due in the middle of next year

haircut party

i'm not really having a haircut party, though now i want to. no, i just got back from a party, a great party at Bok's house. Christian showed off his fancy collection of first-edition books and made me very jealous. to curb his spending he only purchases first-editions, in hardcover if available. very nice collection. anyway, it was a very good time, and Bok was a wonderful host. i would have liked to go out afterwards with everyone but i have to finish up this essay, which is going well but still in need of work.

the haircut is the haircut i have scheduled for monday at noon. i am pre-selling locks of hair, so drop me a comment and pre-order now!

caught in the web

check these out... fast fictions by Kevin Spenst, based on some photos of mine:

Tracers Will Talk

Someday You Will Feast On Me

lit nite

had a good night out tonight, a quick note before i crash. i read some poems at the launch of NoD magazine, which i am proud to say published 4 of my poems in its first issue. the poems i read seemed to go over well, especially my wolves poem (one of them, which i read). i am reading again on Dec 8 at the Flywheel event and will probably read some different wolves there. the wolves series is going well, overall.

highlights of the night included pleasant chats with Sandy Lam who agreed to maybe drum up a cover image for the Lars Palm book i'm putting out early next year and also with Larissa Lai, a wonderful writer whose new book Salt Fish Girl should be on your shelves if not in your hands. i've been hoping to get a chance to talk to Lai for some time and it was nice to finally do so. gave out, sold, and traded a few copies of the Call & Response chapbook, gave Natalee Caple one for her birthday. lots of good times with good people. Ryan Fitzpatrick gave me a copy of his NOpress book Hounds of Love / Loss Leaders which I'm really enjoying. Kevin McPherson Eckhoff also read an outstanding poem and managed to give a stellar reading of a visual poem, i'm very impressed by the stuff of his i've seen so far, will have to talk to him about doing a chapbook sometime next year. Chris Ewart's novel Miss Lamp (note the name change from Lamp) seems to be coming out earlier than expected, around April perhaps, which is great news, though i think i upset him a bit by casually noting, while we were trading statistics, that something like half of the books ever sold were sold around Christmas. i don't know if this applies to the so-called "literary" genres.

chatted with Christian Bok a bit, am looking forward to attending his party on Saturday. i expect everyone in the world to be there. will you be there? i'll be there even though i should spend the time working on my essay, for Bok's class in fact. Christian Bok rules my life, it appears, at least this weekend he does. well, i suppose there could be worse, more despotic rulers. can't wait until all these papers are done and i can visit Mandy again and also finish up some of my writing projects and spend more time on the Martian Press. anyway, later gators.